Thought of the Week {5}
My thoughts lately have been centering around motherhood. Some days I feel like I am failing as a mom. I am sure others have felt the same way, and I thought maybe we could work together and help each other.
My two year old has reached an age that is incredibly hard for me. She will be 3 in August and has developed a temper, entitlement, and naughtyness that can only be described as impossible. She can be the happiest sweetest little girl in the world, but in an instant it can all change. I am trying to help her “keep her happy face on”, but I just don’t know how to keep my patience in check when she is just being so naughty. She doesn’t listen, she tells me “no” a million times a day, and she would rather sit in time out than do what I tell her to do. She is sounding like a teenager.
Since I know that so many of you have gone through this as well, I thought I would ask for any tips or advice you might have to help me not only remain calm (even through the naughtyness) and also tips for how to help my daughter. She needs to learn that she can’t pull a fit in the store, she can’t have what she wants all the time, and she needs to be obedient. Is that too much to ask?
Help.
I found that the best course of action was to offer my children choices. It kind of helped me to keep my patience too. So I would say, “Do you want to put your pants on, or do you want me to?” If she didn’t choose to put them on, then I would do it, even through her protests. And I would tell her that she had made the choice. Giving them that little bit of power actually helps them.
Another thing that helps is to distract them when they are contrary. Actually, this still helps with my 14 year old. lol And yes, they don’t really out grow this too much, and it lasts well in to their young adult years, unfortunately.
Overall, I think learning the consequences of our actions is a good “life lesson” for our children. They learn at a young age that their decisions bring consequences; some of which they will not like.
I know they refer to the 2’s as terrible, but for me, 3’s were worse. Sorry to tell you that. 🙂
I don’t know exactly what to tell you…each one of my kids was SO different. I agree with offering choices. That seems to give them a sense of control that they sometimes wanted. I also believe in following through with my threats If I said they were going to time out, then they really had to go. Meltdowns in the store were tough, but unfortunately they all had them. Don’t be afraid to tell them “no” and to stand firm in your decision. I have a certain relative who would give in to the tantrums when her daughter was 2 and 3. She’s now 8 and a spoiled little stinker, totally mouthing off to her mother and a nightmare to be around.
Anyway, hang in there… This too shall pass. By the time she was 4, Lexi was my best little friend and I could take her anywhere and do anything without a hassle. You are an awesome mommy!
I think we have all been there…I went through a few months where I just dreaded going to the grocery store or Target…I had to literally tell msyelf — it’s OK if you have to just leave. Nothing has made things perfect yet…my son is 6 and the other is almost 2…but I did find that choices helped and so did setting an expectation. I expect you to be well – behaved at Target today by sitting in the cart and not asking me for toys or food. Then if the trip went great — lots of praise…if not…then I literally removed us from the store all while trying to stay really calm. I also learned to avoid going after work or after school as they always seemed to go less positively. Good Luck — I’m pretty sure all parents have been through this with each kid at some point.
Before we went anywhere, grandma’s, the store, church, we would go over the rules once everyone was buckled in the car. No fits, what they will/ will not get and the consequences of misbehaving. We had to do it for almost 2 years, but it finally paid off. I think we’re actually going to have to start it up again with my 5 year old, who is going through a rough patch.
I also found that year 3 was the hardest and that giving the kids choices really helped out. When they are upset and not wanting to do what you say, then give them some options to choose from. It can be very rough, but its going to happen and you just have to do your best and try different things to see what works with your kids.
The #1 trick for me other than the 2 choices with the same outcome. Time out didn’t bother my daughter, neither did being sent to her room. From 13-16 was the worst. I did not like my daughter although I still loved her. This is an OK feeling! I had to take away favorite clothes. Next was for her make-up and then music, as she is a singer that is what made the most impact.
A great tool was I can go on time out too, just because I am beginning to loose my temper(they need to know why you are on time out too because this shows mom has repercussions too for unpleasant behavior and no they can not talk to me because I am on time out just like them. If they keep it up or I have talk to them before the time limit is up, we both will be on time out for a very long time! Imagine no dinner for the family! A messy, stinky house, no one will want to visit! No clean laundry, on & on…
So find what is most important to that child and use it as leverage! Don’t back down, or let it slide just once. consistency is a priority even when you don’t want to.
I visited your site while perusing built-in bookshelf ideas and landed on this page.
You’ll get no advice from me, but I did want to just tell you how fantastic it is that mothers like you still exist. Thank you for being this type of parent. Best wishes to you and yours.
Warmest,
Tom